Faraway but not Forgotten

Oh yeah, we are having a girl… Lol! Never posted those results. I mean, we had two separate lab techs tell us but the one who showed us the genitals was less certain. More like 80 percent. Which I’m willing to count on.

Her name? Well, we are going the same route as before. Helena louise was named after our maternal grandmothers . Helen is eric’s maternal grandma. Louise is mine.

Baby #2 (drumroll please)…….

Dorothy Virginia.

Dorothy= Eric’s paternal grandma
Virginia= Teri’s paternal grandma (and her own middle name)

There was some discussion about naming her after Eric’s mother, Karen but we ultimately decided against it.

What do you think?

I feel a little guilty about my last post. I feel like I got preachy and I don’t want to be.  I hope its understood these are personal parenting choices that I felt were the most important ones for ME to stick to for a newborn.  I felt most proud of those choices. But I don’t wanna harp on anyone else for their decision. As the new baby gets closer and closer, I’ve become more acquainted with the frozen section of the grocery store. Why, yes, a frozen veggie lasagna would be the perfect meal with a toddler yelling at my feet and myself exhausted. And Eric working until late.  I can understand the pull of tv. I’ve wondered if I might be a more sane mommy if I did allow a little tv on during Helena’s awake hours. I’m not sure what my choices will be when we have two kids.  I do believe in at least trying these choices.  It’s interesting how obsessive we get with our bodies and lifestyle when we’re pregnant but become much more willing to let things go once we have the baby.  I know this is for a variety of reasons but my pregnant “for the baby” choices are much laxer than my parent “for the baby” choices. 

Anyway, I urge people to be critical of any “sanctimommi-ous” behavior and go on doing what you do. Most people are doing what they can to be good parents. Most of us are working hard.

I recall being inundated parenting advice before I had Helena and not knowing here from there. Everyone had an opinion and everyone parented differently. Contemporary parenting practices differ from older practices. Whose advice to take?! I tend to drift towards the crunchy, natural parenting philosophies. They tend to make sense.  I wanted to distill down my 3 most important guidelines for “newborns.” Additionally, I want anyone with a newborn or a child to feel comforted in the fact we are all hounded by philosophies and ideas. I have avoided certain people at times because I knew we differed in parenting ideas. I’ve probably also been secretly giggled at during occasions due to my choices. I do my best not to preach my views and make suggestions when asked but respect everyone’s parenting choices (assuming they’re not abusive or incredibly inappropriate).

That being said, I have three pieces of advice that I’d like to share from the parenting books that I think should definitely be carried through. If you feel differently, cool.

1. No tv before 2 years.

2. Do not start sleep training until at least 4 months.

3. Breastfeed.

Now, I’m aware that each of these pieces of advice can be argued. I can’t be too strict with my tv rule since its in every restaurant I go to these days.  I know that some moms start working and they find pumping not creating enough milk to satisfy the minimum amount of milk needed. I know some parents choose to co-sleep until their kid is ready to move on.

I, in fact, watched television in the blurry hours of the morning when I had a one month old. I decided after some thought that I’d be willing to use it as a crutch to stay awake. Once I noticed Helena’s eyes were following the tv and seeing the flashing lights, I stopped watching it around her. It was VERY difficult, particularly since I was alone a lot.  But I stuck to my guns. It will be on at friends’ houses and I won’t flip out because I recognize its their home and their choices. But at our home it isn’t used yet. Nowadays she might catch the tale end of something we had been watching during her nap but thats it. Luckily, Eric is on board (sometimes he needs a reminder).

I co-slept with Helena the first 5months and occasionally afterwards. Eric would have prefered this for a lot longer but he wasn’t the one awaken by her in the middle of the night.  We attempted to “sleep train” around 6months but I had no research on it and Eric couldn’t handle the tears.  I eventually read a book when we moved away from Italy and tried again, using their method (which seemed very healthy and reasonable) and Helena was fine in a couple days.  Their method, btw, was to establish a night time routine for 2 weeks, then begin night time training (entering the room to comfort the baby whenever felt most comfortable for me but not removing her from the bed), and eventually using these skills two weeks later at nap time.  It was hard but after attempting to rock her to bed for hours or patting her back unsuccessfully for months, I knew it was ME who was in the way of healthy sleep.

Lastly, breastfeeding is difficult. Very much so. But I do think its selfish (sorry) to not breastfeed. I know theres stupid stigma and I know that it has a learning curve. But you have to stick to your guns and just keep at it.  Its sooo good for your baby. If you have made it 6months, you’ve done good kid. I nursed Helena for 1 year. I may have extended but I chose not.  I put this one, surprisingly, last on my list because I know working moms have a different struggle and pumping 4 times at work might not end up as successful as they hoped. But I urge moms to at least try it. 

I won’t judge anyone for my opinions. But AAP agrees with my three views. So I’m proud of myself.

I’m in the midst of making decisions for baby/toddler interior decorating.

With the new baby coming I’ve been wondering how I want to set up the layout for the two of them. We have Helena’s room, toys and all, in a room. Next to her room is another room thats a smidge smaller. 

The first few months of Baby#2’s life will be spent in our room anyway. But I’ve been considering putting both kids in the same bedroom and creating the second room as a playroom. My inspiration for this is to foster a relationship for the two by sharing a space and so that the toys aren’t possessed by a single child.  The downfall to this plan is the possibility of them keeping each other up, either by crying or playing.

Then there is the other part. I’ve been obsessively checking craigslist for furniture.  See, we are a few furniture pieces behind in our own household anyway. I basically need a bookcase for dvds. And perhaps then we will be settled. I’m trying to rid ourselves of an old rolltop desk but its proving to be difficult. Perhaps I’ll have to freecycle it.  But now that we are expecting a new baby we’ll need some “new” furniture. I’m thinking dresser and bed for Helena. But do I get a fullsized bed or a toddler bed. A toddler bed, on the immediate end, would be more affordable.  But long term, why spend money on a toddler bed if I’ll buy a twin later on?

I’m looking at a few options. There are some cheap toddler beds at ikea and target. There is an adorable wrought iron looking bed (http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S19827958/)at ikea that is adorable but pricier. But its expandable so it’d last later into her life.

I’ve also been considering what to put in this new nursery. I want Helena to get a chair her size. I might ask for this from one of sets of grandparents. But I’m stuck on choices. I have, obviously, been trolling ikea today because I found this adorable, and affordable, wicker chair:

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/90045457/

or there are the stuffed armchairs from Land of nod or Pottery Barn (much more expensive):

http://www.landofnod.com/the-nod-chair/toys-gifts/1

http://www.potterybarnkids.com/shop/kids/playroom/playroom-anywhere-chairs/?cm_type=lnav

And this is just the beginning of the swirlings in my head. So, any opinion on my choices?  IT should be said that the current colors in Helena’s room are mostly yellow and brown.  And some of that stuff, if a playroom is created, will be shifted.

When E was home on leave and I had Helena we spent an evening with the Finneys playing Rock Band and having a good time.  Thus created my favorite of Eric’s “songs with the words changed.”  I heard the song today and I’d like to relay the refrain:

“In the midnight hour

she cried more, more milk.

With a rebel yell

she cried more, more milk.”

Yesterday I got the opportunity to hear the baby’s heartbeat. So there is for sure a baby growing in there. :)

About a month later I’m finally getting to type our birth story. The entire pregnancy I insisted this baby would come when I wanted. She was to come on the 10th to allow Eric and I some time together but optimal time with the baby. I insisted this would occur, tongue in cheek, to everyone including my OB. Lo and behold, Helena came right when I wanted!

Eric came home on leave and arrived late morning of the 9th. We had a family get together that evening to welcome him home and the entire time I was having back pains. I think I was making some of my family nervous but Eric’s father returned to KY with the instruction to “call as soon as you start.”  That evening I struggled to find a comfortable way to sleep. I slept on either side of my back, either side of the back, on the sofa etc etc. Eric and I were both up around 4am and I chose to get into the shower. I was starting to wonder if this was more than just back pains but back labor. I was occasionally on my hands and knees in the shower, dealing with the pain. I started to alert Eric that I didn’t think this was just back pain. I deliberated and moved in different positions until I decided to call the hospital. They instructed to come in and we ended up arriving at the hospital at 7am. I was 5cm dialated and had to call Eric’s father to come back to Indianapolis (they had arrived back in KY around 2am).

I had intended to have a drug-free birth so we set up a birthing tub in our [beautiful] labor room. I chose to use the shower to deal with the pain but had to eventually get out about 45min-hour later for monitoring. The monitoring was incredibly difficult because they could not get reads when I was on my side and so I had to lie on my back (which was incredibly painful with back labor).  I got into the water tub and my contractions were intensifying. Very little time between contractions. At this time Eric, my mother and sis in law were in the room. At one point I heard a nurse say “Oh, I know her! We went to high school together!” Hearing that while naked in a tub, facing contractions, isn’t necessarily ideal but it ended up being Tara, a really nice girl from high school.  After about an hour in the tub the nurses couldn’t get the water monitor to work so I had to get out and monitor on my back again. This time I could hardly stand with the contractions and was probably beginning transition. After monitoring me, lying on my back, my OB came in to give a cervical check. When I was told I was only at 6-7cm I was incredibly discouraged and scared that I’d be unable to do that for that many hours longer.  So I apologized to Eric and gave in for the epidural. Unfortunately the anesthesiologist was backed up. 

Around 2pm I received a fentanyl drip. The edge was killed but it was still a very uncomfortable and painful experience. After finally receiving the epidural (all I could fixate on was my anesthesiologist’s earrings. This is notable because I’ve seen her a few times since then and recognize her solely due to those earrings. Even a surprise interaction at the mall). After having some visitors the nurses checked me and found that the head was in position. I pushed once and her head was visible. They quickly got the OB and right before I had my last couple pushes I asked if Eric was able to catch the baby. He quickly got dressed in the appropriate robe and I pushed my final push (number four, maybe) and he caught her. She had a little merconium so she couldn’t be put immediately on my chest. But Eric was right up next to her to keep her company and maintain contact.

Eric was a wonderful partner in the experience. Asking a lot of questions, which in turn meant I learned a lot. I’m not sure if the back labor made the epidural more appealing/ “necessary” but I do feel a little frustrated. But now we have Helena, no matter how she came out, and she’s wonderful. And due to her prompt arrival, she had the full 2 weeks to spend with her daddy.