Faraway but not Forgotten

So Helena is on the mend. She’s still has a runny nose and gross cough but she’s playing again and eating regular foods again. (For a couple days there it was just blueberries, etc).  

But as expected, Eric and I both came down with it. Now who has it worse: 

Eric, who has to go do pt in the morning (which can range from running 5mi to a martial arts to lifting at the gym) or me, 33 weeks pregnant minding a toddler.

Actually, at this very moment, I’m doing okay. Its not recommended for me to take NSAIDs(ibuprofen, etc) so Eric chose not to as well. 

But we have survived our first major child sickness, complete with an ER visit and tylenol supposatories. Isn’t parenthood fascinating? ;)

I feel a little guilty about my last post. I feel like I got preachy and I don’t want to be.  I hope its understood these are personal parenting choices that I felt were the most important ones for ME to stick to for a newborn.  I felt most proud of those choices. But I don’t wanna harp on anyone else for their decision. As the new baby gets closer and closer, I’ve become more acquainted with the frozen section of the grocery store. Why, yes, a frozen veggie lasagna would be the perfect meal with a toddler yelling at my feet and myself exhausted. And Eric working until late.  I can understand the pull of tv. I’ve wondered if I might be a more sane mommy if I did allow a little tv on during Helena’s awake hours. I’m not sure what my choices will be when we have two kids.  I do believe in at least trying these choices.  It’s interesting how obsessive we get with our bodies and lifestyle when we’re pregnant but become much more willing to let things go once we have the baby.  I know this is for a variety of reasons but my pregnant “for the baby” choices are much laxer than my parent “for the baby” choices. 

Anyway, I urge people to be critical of any “sanctimommi-ous” behavior and go on doing what you do. Most people are doing what they can to be good parents. Most of us are working hard.

I recall being inundated parenting advice before I had Helena and not knowing here from there. Everyone had an opinion and everyone parented differently. Contemporary parenting practices differ from older practices. Whose advice to take?! I tend to drift towards the crunchy, natural parenting philosophies. They tend to make sense.  I wanted to distill down my 3 most important guidelines for “newborns.” Additionally, I want anyone with a newborn or a child to feel comforted in the fact we are all hounded by philosophies and ideas. I have avoided certain people at times because I knew we differed in parenting ideas. I’ve probably also been secretly giggled at during occasions due to my choices. I do my best not to preach my views and make suggestions when asked but respect everyone’s parenting choices (assuming they’re not abusive or incredibly inappropriate).

That being said, I have three pieces of advice that I’d like to share from the parenting books that I think should definitely be carried through. If you feel differently, cool.

1. No tv before 2 years.

2. Do not start sleep training until at least 4 months.

3. Breastfeed.

Now, I’m aware that each of these pieces of advice can be argued. I can’t be too strict with my tv rule since its in every restaurant I go to these days.  I know that some moms start working and they find pumping not creating enough milk to satisfy the minimum amount of milk needed. I know some parents choose to co-sleep until their kid is ready to move on.

I, in fact, watched television in the blurry hours of the morning when I had a one month old. I decided after some thought that I’d be willing to use it as a crutch to stay awake. Once I noticed Helena’s eyes were following the tv and seeing the flashing lights, I stopped watching it around her. It was VERY difficult, particularly since I was alone a lot.  But I stuck to my guns. It will be on at friends’ houses and I won’t flip out because I recognize its their home and their choices. But at our home it isn’t used yet. Nowadays she might catch the tale end of something we had been watching during her nap but thats it. Luckily, Eric is on board (sometimes he needs a reminder).

I co-slept with Helena the first 5months and occasionally afterwards. Eric would have prefered this for a lot longer but he wasn’t the one awaken by her in the middle of the night.  We attempted to “sleep train” around 6months but I had no research on it and Eric couldn’t handle the tears.  I eventually read a book when we moved away from Italy and tried again, using their method (which seemed very healthy and reasonable) and Helena was fine in a couple days.  Their method, btw, was to establish a night time routine for 2 weeks, then begin night time training (entering the room to comfort the baby whenever felt most comfortable for me but not removing her from the bed), and eventually using these skills two weeks later at nap time.  It was hard but after attempting to rock her to bed for hours or patting her back unsuccessfully for months, I knew it was ME who was in the way of healthy sleep.

Lastly, breastfeeding is difficult. Very much so. But I do think its selfish (sorry) to not breastfeed. I know theres stupid stigma and I know that it has a learning curve. But you have to stick to your guns and just keep at it.  Its sooo good for your baby. If you have made it 6months, you’ve done good kid. I nursed Helena for 1 year. I may have extended but I chose not.  I put this one, surprisingly, last on my list because I know working moms have a different struggle and pumping 4 times at work might not end up as successful as they hoped. But I urge moms to at least try it. 

I won’t judge anyone for my opinions. But AAP agrees with my three views. So I’m proud of myself.

When E was home on leave and I had Helena we spent an evening with the Finneys playing Rock Band and having a good time.  Thus created my favorite of Eric’s “songs with the words changed.”  I heard the song today and I’d like to relay the refrain:

“In the midnight hour

she cried more, more milk.

With a rebel yell

she cried more, more milk.”